The Perfect Weight Watchers Dessert

Let's just get to it: Hostess Chocolate Cake with Creamy Filling/100 Calorie Pack. One Weight Watchers (WW) Point for three mini cakes - six 3-cake packs to a box. And they are SO good!
How can you eat three cupcakes - even mini cupcakes - and only use one WW point, you ask? Fiber, my friend - man-made fiber.
As we all know, there's no fiber in the two main components of two of the great human inventions of all time, chocolate and cake. However, somebody at the Hostess bakeries have done some hocus pocus and come up with a way to pack FIVE grams of dietary fiber in three little cakes.
So, it's 100 calories, 3 grams fat, and 5 grams fiber. That equals ONE!
And oh, are they good! They have moist cake, WITH creamy center, and icing on top. Only thing they lack is the white curly line. But you will not miss it!
What's the downside? Only two, and I wrote Hostess about this one: because they are so moist - that's what Hostess said in reply - they kind of stick to the wrapping, which is about as strong as those anti-theft things they put around CDs in some stores.
And the other problem is Wal-mart can't keep them on the shelves! (Note to Hostess: Mrs. Freshley's is almost as good, easier to unwrap, and cheaper. Either you keep the shelves stocked or the Fresh' chick is going to take over.
Try 'em! You'll like 'em!

We gots PIRATES!!!

I am fascinated by these Somali pirates!
They whip out into the vast ocean in their tiny little boats and take on supertankers, cruise ships - anything from which they think they can get a ransom.
They are like gnats on an elephant's butt, but the elephant's tail is short, making the gnats' success rate quite impressive.
I read that the pirates either fire on the bridge with a rocket launcher or just sneak up on the back of these big ships and climb up from the back, which is low and often has available ropes dangling. And the crews of the big ships are traditionally unarmed. Clearly, these guys are opportunists.
Somalia doesn't have much of a government, so the pirates have no worries on shore, and at this writing, the world's navies are just beginning to send ships to defend the merchants. But even they have a "short tail" - there remains much dispute and unclarity over who should convict the pirates. Apparently "walk the blank" is no longer included in maritime law.
A quote from a supertanker captain said his only plea was "DON'T SHOOT!" Apparently oil tankers emit a highly volitile gas that any flash or spark can ignite. A cruise ship apparently avoided capture with the one-two punch of speed and a sound "blaster" that can be fired as the pirates approach.
There have been some victories, but they are far outweighed by the millions in ransom the pirates are receiving. Some shipping companies are rerouting away from the Suez Canal, which hurts the struggling economy of Egypt.
Meanwhile, it appears piracy is big business in Somalia. I read that pirates are big spenders, paying $20 for a $5 bottle of perfume. And they employ a large support system, from women to make bread to men to service and fuel their "gnats," which continue to sting the mighty elephant of shipping ... at least until a better gnat-swatter is invented.

Mom

My Mom died the morning of July 20, probably in her sleep. That's one of the best ways to go, I think, because it seems so peaceful.
Mom had been in the hospital for about 10 days and was on a roller coaster - down, then a little better, then down again.
She was a good Mom. I have only good memories. She did a great deal for us, made sacrifices for us, gave us all of her love. She was a good Mom.

A Solution to Many of the World's Problems

Put birth control in alcohol.
No beating around the bush with this one. I want scientists, pharmaceutical reps and brewers to find this, develop it, and get it out on the market post haste.
I just came up with the idea last week, but I share it with the world, free of charge ... I want no credit, and I have applied for no patent.
We all know what alcohol does - it's in all the country songs. And we also know what results - that's in all the country songs, too. And the other forms of music, literature and reality itself.
We can spin that the parents will "grow to want/love the child," but I work in the business and I know that's not 100% true. The millions in unpaid child support prove it. Not to mention divorces and other dreams and hopes dashed on the shores of despair thanks to a bit too much alcohol and a bit too little use of protection.
But put them together and you have something the world can use. Girls don't have to ask "Did you bring a 'raincoat?'" And guys don't have to lie and say "Don't worry, baby, I a) am sterile b) had a vasectomy c) will pull out in time or d) another falsehood that ends up changing both of their lives forever."
Birth control in alcohol, people. That's all I'm saying. Let's make it happen.

Adventures in Dead Presidents

Your humble narrator is the unofficial Midwest distributor of the new presidential dollar coins. Whether I get them from the bank or as change from the USPS stamp machines, I always try to keep a dozen or so in my pocket to spread around.
Reaction varies as, at this writing, the coins have been around since earlier in the year and three presidents are now in circulation. Some assume it's the Sacagawea coin, others are just impressed with how shiny they are, while a few actually ask, "Are these real?"
A couple of my favorite dollar-coin stories go like this:
At a McDonald's, my tab came to exactly $1.50. I gave the counter person two "gold" coins.
"What are these," he asked.
"The new dollar coins," I replied.
"Cool," he responded as he tried to decide which part of the cash drawer to put them in. (Most cash drawers have an extra slot after the quarters for keys and/or unusual coins.)
"Just don't put them in your quarter slot and you'll be okay," I remarked.
"Ronald Jr." gave me a "Duh!" look, then gave me my change - the two presidential coins I'd just given him, which he had indeed dropped into the quarter slot. Quickly assessing that the young man was beyond training in the fine art of coin handling during my limited time, and reminding myself of an Illinois judge's comment - "You can't fix stupid." - I pocketed the coins, took my order, thanked the young man and departed.
The other story comes from a Target store, where another young man was at the register where I paid with five shiny dollar coins.
I believe he had over-moussed that morning, as he seemed very confused by what I had given him. He didn't ask what they were or give any of the usual reactions. Instead, he just began looking around, apparently for some sort of guidance.
He didn't ASK for guidance, he just LOOKED for it. When he finally caught the eye of a young manager, he asked "What should I do with these?" not even holding up the coins, but apparently believing the manager had telepathic abilities.
She reponded with a glance that the popular snooty high school girls give the unpopular boys who dare to enter their aura of popularity, so Mr. Target was on his own. He looked around a bit more, again seeking that mysterious guidance one hopes to obtain by just projecting hopelessness, but he received no reaction.
Finally, in mild frustration, he put the coins under the coin slots (where checks and "big bills" are sometimes kept), gave me my correct change, and then turned his glassy gaze back to his register.
For reactions alone, the new coins are a lot of fun. Some folk will actually express joy in receiving them, as they see them as a gift for a child or as a collectible. At the Chicago Museum of Art, the cafeteria checker refused them, saying it was "policy" not to accept them as she had no place to put them in her cash drawer. (Yours truly saw her as beyond hope, too, and didn't bother to show her that next-to-the-quarters slot; maybe they store a small Picasso there or something.)
Anyway, the presidential dollar coins are out there, and a new one comes out every three months. They make nice Christmas gifts. Will they suffer the same fate as the Susan B. Anthonys and the Sacageweas? That remains to be seen. The government would like them to become popular, as they last longer than the $1 bill. But I believe, like Canada, they will have to do away with the bill if they want the coin to stay.
In the meantime, I'll keep spreading them - along with joy, confusion and enlightenment - around the Midwest.

Rebarbative Jackanapes

Call me a rebarbative jackanapes - if you can! - but your humble narrator has finally found the time to gnaw on a couple of those proverbial bones. (I'm trying to be calmer ... but it's hard to calm the storm, baby!)
Item: The female summer fashion statement of flip-flops and high-waters as acceptable office attire.
First, I don't care how much you paid for them, they're shower shoes. Doesn't matter if they're made of faux leather and have rhinestones. And I really don't care whose name was on the box. They're noisy, they're bad for your feet, and they're potentially dangerous. And did I mention they're noisy?!
But if you MUST, you must, so why not make sure even the DEAF know you are wearing shower shoes by exposing your ankles and calves - Oh! Look who's got a new tattoo! - in a nice pair of high-waters. (Remember that term from high school? You were growing faster than your pant legs and kids would tease you with, "Where's the flood?")
About the only person I can think who ever looked good in them - and she's the only one in my opinion who could call them "Capris" as she'd probably been there (the Isle of Capri, that is) was Audrey Hepburn. And I'm talking young, "Breakfast at Tiffany's" Audrey Hepburn.
Everybody else? You look like you're goin' to a picnic and you're so CHEAP, you volunteered to bring NAPKINS!
Item: Waitresses calling me "hon" and "sweetie."
Now yours truly eats out a lot, and he enjoys good service. He actually studies it: he learned recently that "Do you need any change?" is not always a cheap we to fish for a tip - on the contrary, it's considered rude to make change at the table and if you don't need change, you save your server and yourself time.
But who started this "hon/sweetie" thing? I don't even know you! I've gotten this unsolicited familiarity from waitresses of all ages ... is it passed down by the generations that have come before? Is it like the first commandment of waitressing: Thou Shalt Call the Customer "Hon" or "Sweetie"?!
I don't like it. I don't get it. But I feel a LOT BETTER for pounding it out!!!

The Lucky Charms

I've been charmed.
I chanced upon The Lucky Charms at O'Malley's Pub in Weston when a few friends gathered in the underground venue to celebrate my niece Jessie's birthday. I've seen them twice since, and have at least two future dates inked to date.
Go to www.theluckycharms.com and, because they are nice folk, you can listen to some of their music free. Or you can buy their debut CD, which I'll review for you now.
The Lucky Charms is a nice sampling of what this band from the greater Kansas City area does best: harmony, nice playing, and fun - all with a bit o' the Irish mixed in to spice it up.
Although five of the 11 cuts are termed "traditional," The Lucky Charms make them their own, such as "Nancy Whiskey," in which they nicely blend a bit of the standard "Heart and Soul." It's a catchy tune, about drinking of course, and I find myself humming it several times a day.
But the one that comes to me the most is Dominic Behan's "Black & Tans." It's a rousing song with definite Irish roots. It stands alone, but if you take the time to Google or Wikapedia the demons who carried that nickname, you'll get a definite appreciation for why it's one The Lucky Charms really belt out. And they "charm" it a bit, too - slipping in someof The Ramones "What I Like About You."
As you can learn on their website, The Lucky Charms is made up of three ladies and a gentleman. Christine "Cricket" Pugh is the original member; she plays guitar, flute and tin whistle. Alaina Romine plays guitar and bass. Dori Walker Como plays the Irish drum. Gerry Monks plays guitar and mandolin.
And they all sing ... very well. The harmony of the three women is a real treat - check out "The Skye Boat Song" on the website as a good example. And aside from his excellent playing, Gerry comes through very strong on his two original songs on the CD, "The New World," a upbeat song that can stir the heart of anyone who can trace their family tree to the Emerald Isle, and "One Last Jar" (again, about drinking) which is my second favorite song on the CD (next to "Black & Tans.")
The Lucky Charms is an outstanding first effort for the group. But if you want to fully appreciate it, you're going to have to come hear them perform so you can be charmed as well.
Having both packed-house and snow-restricted shows to compare, I can testify that they are great fun. They'll mix songs from the CD with a wide variety of American folk, Celtic tunes, and covers, ranging from Janis Joplin to Richard Thompson. If Cricket doesn't have the song in her head or her Big Book, she'll do it best to have it ready when you come back for another show ... and you will come back.
The Lucky Charms both entertain and involve their audiences, giving little assignments that range from singing a bit to drinking a bit to spewing a bit of mild profanity - all in fun, of course. And even if she doesn't bring along her dancing shoes, make sure to get Dori to lead you through "The Unicorn Song."
Here's wishing The Lucky Charms good luck with their CD! Best wishes for many more!

Mouton Gregarious

All I wanted for Christmas was Gisele Bundchen (with the double-dot umlaut over the u).
Not the Brazilian born super model herself, but her Amazon-size cardboard cut out that was hanging in the window of Victoria's Secret at the local mall. She was dressed in a little pink outfit, complete with a Santa hat, and was looking quite saucy.
I have to confess I wasn't sure what I would do with Gisele once I got her, but Big M, my morning mall walking partner, suggested suspending her above my bed. It was enjoyable to just think about the possibilities.
What I actually GOT for Christmas was Mouton Gregarious (emphasis on the "-ton," sounding as in "John.) Factually, I didn't really "get" Mouton - she is not my property. She is more like something I have checked out from the Library of Life and she's in charge of the due date.
Words can't really describe her ... at least words at the moment in the public library where I have a gamer on my left and a speed-scroller on my right (I don't think these people USE the keyboard!) I can certainly do a "let me count the ways" exercise, however.
First, she has a dazzling smile - a full face smile made all the more dazzling by her sparkling eyes.
Second, she's sharp ... very intelligent.
Third, she's "a hoot."
Fourth, she is fun to be with, a joy to be with, an honor to be with.
And fifth, she introduces me to some of the many people she knows as "my boyfriend."
I hope that means her return date isn't anytime soon! :)