Sugar Creek, Mo. — At about 9:45 on the evening of April 21, 2010, I was sworn in as a Certified Barbeque Judge (CBJ) of the Kansas City Barbeque Society (KCBS). Sworn in? Yes indeed — the barbeque business is serious.
As I learned in the almost 4-hour class, barbeque contest participants will spend a minimum of $500 to compete in a single event, so it is the responsibility of the CBJs to invest our time in serious judging.
"You are here to judge, not to do a buffet," our instructor reminded us.
And there is the rub – no pun intended.
In a normal competition, the CBJ will be presented with four different types of barbeque: chicken, ribs, pork and brisket. (The meats are served in that order based on required cooking time, from least to most.)
Depending on the number of contestant offerings the CBJ will judge, she or he will consume an average minimum of two pounds of meat in a single sitting. And that two pounds is based on our instructor's suggested sampling of just two bites per contestant's offering.
So, imagine this judge-in-training's shock, surprise and disappointment when, after being served three delicious pieces of barbeque chicken, to have to discard – that's right, THROW AWAY! – all but two bites of each. And the same with the ribs, pork and brisket.
No doggie bags. Two bites. Judge. Discard. It's almost criminal is what it is.
We CBJs do blind judging, meaning we rate each offering on its own, not in comparison to others. We rate in three areas: appearance, taste and texture.
Appearance is scored when we first see the contestant's offering. It is brought to us (usually a table of six CBJs) in a box that must include enough meat for all six judges to have a sample. The box can include just the meat, or it can have some regular lettuce underneath. But it can't have any kale or other fancy greens, nor can there be other types of garnish, as they may be considered a hint to a judge of a certain contestant's entry. Illegal garnish is a disqualification (DQ).
The entry's meat can also have sauce – but just on the meat. Any excess, either in the tray or in a container within the tray, is a DQ. Not providing enough samples for all six CBJs is also a DQ.
We experienced all of these in our training, but the last one was my favorite. A tray of what looked like six delicious ribs were passed around. When CBJ #4 picked up one, she got two – they had not been cut through. By the rules, she was not allowed to tear them apart, so she passed the tray to me. I took the last rib, and passed CBJ #6 an empty tray.
Clearly unhappy, CBJ #6 did what was required: he reported the problem to the Table Captain, who declared a DQ. As it was a training event, the Table Captain brought CBJ #6 another rib. (After all, we PAID for the class.)
Taste and texture (also called tenderness) are purely subjective. We rate on a scale of 9 (excellent) to 2 (inedible), with 6 being "average." There are suggestions in our certification program handbook, but as our instructor told us, "Don't ask me what 'average' is, you're the judge."
And that's about it. And the end of the class, we were all – 58 of us – sworn in as official CBJs. Our next step is to review The Bull Sheet, the KCBS official newsletter, and contact competitions we would like to judge. As our instructor said, we ask "if we might have the pleasure of judging at your event," and not to show up to judge until we are accepted and confirmed for the event. (Some CBJs have been "disrobed" for being a bit to pompous.)
