Call me a rebarbative jackanapes - if you can! - but your humble narrator has finally found the time to gnaw on a couple of those proverbial bones. (I'm trying to be calmer ... but it's hard to calm the storm, baby!)
Item: The female summer fashion statement of flip-flops and high-waters as acceptable office attire.
First, I don't care how much you paid for them, they're shower shoes. Doesn't matter if they're made of faux leather and have rhinestones. And I really don't care whose name was on the box. They're noisy, they're bad for your feet, and they're potentially dangerous. And did I mention they're noisy?!
But if you MUST, you must, so why not make sure even the DEAF know you are wearing shower shoes by exposing your ankles and calves - Oh! Look who's got a new tattoo! - in a nice pair of high-waters. (Remember that term from high school? You were growing faster than your pant legs and kids would tease you with, "Where's the flood?")
About the only person I can think who ever looked good in them - and she's the only one in my opinion who could call them "Capris" as she'd probably been there (the Isle of Capri, that is) was Audrey Hepburn. And I'm talking young, "Breakfast at Tiffany's" Audrey Hepburn.
Everybody else? You look like you're goin' to a picnic and you're so CHEAP, you volunteered to bring NAPKINS!
Item: Waitresses calling me "hon" and "sweetie."
Now yours truly eats out a lot, and he enjoys good service. He actually studies it: he learned recently that "Do you need any change?" is not always a cheap we to fish for a tip - on the contrary, it's considered rude to make change at the table and if you don't need change, you save your server and yourself time.
But who started this "hon/sweetie" thing? I don't even know you! I've gotten this unsolicited familiarity from waitresses of all ages ... is it passed down by the generations that have come before? Is it like the first commandment of waitressing: Thou Shalt Call the Customer "Hon" or "Sweetie"?!
I don't like it. I don't get it. But I feel a LOT BETTER for pounding it out!!!
