The Colonoscopy Cocktail

As a two-time veteran of the procedure, I can truly tell you that a colonoscopy is "not that bad." Truly.
If you are hesitant, Google "colon cancer." After my first, five years ago (I had a couple of noncancerous polyps removed so I had to have another in five years instead of the usual 10), a hospital was giving a free lecture on colon cancer – with snacks! Snacks were tasty, the doctor was entertaining and informative, but when he started that PowerPoint…!
Let's just say this, the anus may not be your favorite orifice, but could you imagine life without it? Don't even try!
Anyway, at my second colonoscopy a couple of days ago, I learned the advances in modern science came after the preparation phase (more on that later) when the anesthesiologist told me that I would be receiving a drug that would give me "temporary amnesia." I think it's called propofol.
Well, last time's drug was fine, made me feel REAL GOOD, and I even chatted with the doctor a bit while he was doing the procedure and he even let me watch on a video screen. And that drug lingered a bit, if you know what I mean.
The anesthesiologist wasn't offering a choice, just telling me I wouldn't even know the colonoscopy happened and that I would feel "back to normal" right after the procedure. I would have rather felt REAL GOOD, but not getting to chose, I went with what was offered.
And it worked. They rolled me in, rolled me on my side, put an oxygen mask on me, there was a little snappy banter during introductions all around, and the next thing you know I'm in the recovering area where Nurse Natasha, when I told her I felt like I needed to release some gas, told me to roll over and "let it go – it's just air from the procedure."
I got the "all clear" and was up and around and out of there!
Okay, the preparation phase is the worst part. Briefly, it's this:
1. Two days before, start cutting back on the food intake. You eat soup, yogurt, etc.
2. Day before, maybe a little juice or soda, then, around 1 p.m. for me, it was time to mix up the ol' colonoscopy cocktail, polyethylene glycol, and cool it in the refrigerator.
3. From 3 to 5 p.m., you drink the polyethylene glycol.
4. And for me, from about 4:30 until 7 p.m., you make sure you have plenty of reading handy at the ol' porcelain throne.
Polyethylene glycol is a laxative, and it has kind of a salty taste. It is not at all appetizing. The pharmacist can give you a "flavor packet," but I tried that once and it doesn't help, so this time, I took it straight. Refrigeration does help, as does drinking through a straw to avoid some of the taste buds. But it still tastes nasty — make that yucky.
There has to be a better way, right? That's what I thought, and what I know I read somewhere, but when I asked my pharmacist about "the pill," he said he'd never heard of it. Well, I'm giving him this website: http://www.tabletprep.com/index.aspx
I don't know why the woman on the page is sitting on a big blue ball with wheels – unless that's the latest in colonoscopy prep "evacuation devices," if you know what I mean – but she IS smiling. And that leads me to believe she either got a nice check to pose like that or she took a OsmoPrep, "The Tablet Prep."
I am so looking forward to that next time!!!
But even if I have to chug the good ol' polyethylene glycol again, I'll be there. I've SEEN the PowerPoint. The anus is my friend.

Coincidence at the Confluence

On May 2, 2011, I awoke in my St. Louis hotel room to hear Osama bin Laden was dead.
I was in St. Louis the day Saddam was captured, too, and was inspired to chalk "You're next, Osama!" on the back window of my pickup. (Got lots of honks.)
And I walked across the empty Arch grounds on 9/11/2001 to volunteer for an international zoo convention, only to be sent home with everyone else after the second plane hit its tower.
Maybe I should visit St. Louis more often so I can help close the book on this story.